


i will be fine (let my body do me right)

by orphan_account



Series: Good Faith [4]
Category: Electronic Dance Music RPF
Genre: Blood, Bulimia, Coming Out, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22106164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's time for Hugo and Porter to come out.
Relationships: Madeon | Hugo Leclercq/Porter Robinson
Series: Good Faith [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1589692
Comments: 6
Kudos: 3





	i will be fine (let my body do me right)

**Author's Note:**

> this ones a bit heavy on the homophobia sorry!! and i kinda vented out via hugo so jjfjhdjf

Hugo and Porter knew they would have to do it someday. It was 2 months after they were together, keeping it a secret for so long. It was bound to happen, but Porter was scared. What was the crew going to say? Was it going to be weird for everyone, knowing Porter had sex with his best friend, knowing they were together and now lovers? He couldn't help but think of all the homophobic comments they might make, especially Joel. God, Joel was going to be the hardest to talk to.

Hugo texts the crew.

_Hey ! Do you guys want to meet up somewhere today ?_

Dillon is the first to respond.

_Sure, I'm not doing anything._

Anton was next.

_Yeah, me either. So sure._

And then Joel, Wes, and Sonny replied. They were all free. He texted where; a nearby restaurant. They all agreed, most of them were hungry at noon anyways. Porter let out an exhale.

"God, this is going to be hard."

-

"How are y'all?" Sonny asks, sitting next to Joel and Dillon in the circular booth. "I'm thinking of making some breakcore music for oldtimes sake."

"Oh, y'know, just dying of boredom like always," Wes says. Dillon nods. "It's fucking hard to make music for some reason right now."

"Same." The rest of them say in unison.

This conversation goes on until there's a waitress at their table. She asks them what they want.

"This." Dillon starts, pointing at a steak with shrimp. She writes it down.

"Yeah, can I get that too?" Wes says, and Dillon punches him on the shoulder, muttering "copy cat".

"Yeah uh... can I have just... this pasta with shrimp?" Porter says, and Hugo looks at him. He wants this to be over with, and Porter can feel that.

The rest of them order, and she rolls her eyes and walks away, giving the orders to the chefs. Hugo looks at Porter and Porter nods.

"So uh... guys... I have to say something."

They all stare at Porter and Hugo for a moment, quizzically. Porter gulps and he sees that Hugo is shaking from the anxiety.

"Well? Spit it out." Joel snaps at him, without any bite to his words.

"Well.. uh, Hugo and I.." he pauses. He's not ready. Hugo puts his face in his hands and Porter nudges at him to stop.

"Yeah?" Wes says, tilting his head.

"Me and Hugo are... a couple."

The table goes silent. Then Anton speaks up.

"...What?"

"You're kidding, right? You're pulling our legs?" Wes asks, nervously laughing.

Porter turns ice cold. This was exactly what he feared.

"It's not a fucking joke," Porter said sternly, and Wesley looks almost offended.

"I..." Sonny starts, and looks at Joel. "That's... that's like.."

"Weird." The rest of them say.

Hugo starts tearing up in his hands.

"Like, aren't you guys best friends? How can you date a friend like that?" Anton asks, and Porter looks defensive.

"Yeah. Imagine if you guys had sex, God, wouldn't that be weird?" Dillon asks.

"Well we have had sex, and it's not." Porter replies, narrowing his eyes.

"Uhh, that's..." Anton starts.

"You know what? Fuck you guys! You guys are nothing but a bunch of stupid douchebags!" Porter snaps. He looks over at Hugo, who has his hands in his face. He's shaking uncontrollably.

Oh no.

He lets out a sob and leans over the table, so no one could see his face. A sick feeling hits Porter. He touches Hugo's hair, and Hugo swats him away. He gets up from the booth and looks back at Porter.

"Maybe they're right." Hugo says before he leaves.

Porter looks back at them.

"Fuck you guys. Thanks a lot."

"I didn't..." one of them start, and Porter snaps at him.

"Fuck you all! I hate you guys! What do you have against me loving Hugo? We wanted to keep it a secret from you homophobic little bitches! Now he's gone." Porter says, his voice cracking mid sentence, and then tears well up in his eyes. "I loved him for so long and we were finally happy..." Porter adds, letting out a choked sob.

"Porter, I..." Dillon starts, and looks away. "Fuck, I'm sorry dude."

"I didn't mean to make you upset! I just... I don't know anyone who's loved another man like that. I'm ignorant.." Anton says.

"If you really love Hugo that way, that's fine. I think we were just a little... shocked, really." Sonny adds, sighing.

"We're just.. I'm sorry I made that comment. Fuck, we should've just accepted you."

Porter is silent. He wants to accept them and believe that it's true, but something deep down is telling him they'll never accept him. Dillon pats him on the back

The food comes. They eat silently, not saying one word to each other.

-

Hugo is in the bathroom, forcing himself to vomit.

He's used to this, he thinks. He used to starve himself, and when people made him eat, he would throw it up later. This continued for several years until one day, his addiction stopped.

Now it's back.

"Stupid fucking whore." Hugo calls himself, forcing fingers down his throat as he gags. He does it again, deeper, and this time it works. Fresh vomit is coming out his mouth, into the toilet, hot chunks of food and stomach acid, mixed with anything else he drank.

_It feels good,_ he thinks to himself. He coughs as the last bit of vomit hits the toilet, and he does it again; he forces those disgusting fingers down his throat and vomits, this time there's blood in it. _It's addicting, making yourself do this,_ he thought.

He passes out on the floor.

-

Hugo wakes up in his own bed, with the entire crew there.

"Hugo, dude, are you awake?" Anton asks in a slight German accent that he always had. His eyes fluttered, searching for Porter. He found him, holding one of his hands. His blonde hair was more beautiful than ever.

"What's... what happened?"

"Hugo, God, you threw up. There was a lot of blood in it, and you passed out, so we brought you here." Porter says, tears in his eyes. "I'm just glad you're okay."

Hugo remembers suddenly what happened that day. The homophobic comments his friends made, his addiction... everything. Hugo starts whimpering and cries.

"Hugo.." Anton starts, and he looks at him concerned. "We're all really sorry. Fuck, we probably should've just... never said anything mean. I.."

"It's okay, dude. I guess I overreacted," Hugo said, smiling as tears fell down his face.

"No, it's not. We're really sorry," Dillon replies, patting Hugo on the back. He smiles again.

"Thanks guys."

**Author's Note:**

> the next one will be fluffy i swear


End file.
